I just walked into the door from a run that did not go as planned. After 1 mile of struggling with exhausted legs and tough breathing I stalled, contemplating the usefulness of the run. I turned another direction and walked 3 miles instead.
As I wondered around the neighborhood I had some time to clear my head and convince myself I am not weak. This actually took quite some effort to do, after all I'd just given up after running less than a mile. I can try again tomorrow but what will happen in 2 or 3 months when it is hotter and my belly is larger? What if I start to quit more often or stop running all together? This might seem humorous to others but to me this fear is a logical one.
After all, I am surrounded by people who tend to push themselves to their limits all the time, physically and mentally. I don't want to feel that I am using pregnancy as an excuse to be soft. Part of me wants to believe that it won't be my limiter, that I'll be able to disprove all the people who tell me I'm going to get huge, stop running, or loose the energy I used to have.
Yesterday morning I watched Unbreakable while I was on the trainer. There is one scene when Bruce Willis is loading up the bench press with as much weight as he can find, to test his physical limits.
To a certain extent I believe there are a lot of us doing the same thing, in our own way. For some the test occurs at work. Others try to fit in an endless amount of activities or try to balance an active social life. Athletes will try to push their bodies harder and farther.
The question then becomes, will you realize your limits before you actually break?
Although I cut the run off and walked home, I was still doing something. I stopped early enough to give my body some rest and leave the option open to head out tomorrow morning and see if I'm feeling good. Maybe learning to adjust is more valuable than trying to see what it takes to completely run myself and baby G into the ground... hopefully that is the case because it's the argument I've used to justify today's 'workout'.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Posted by Mich at 7:25 AM